Deck: 2011

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Deck's Approved and Denied Words

Since we can't stand when people use word we hate, we feel like what is best for humanity is to eliminate the weaker words. Sort of like genocide.

DECK DENIED WORDS

Society- Bitch, please. It's basically a filler word. Do you even know what society means? Precisely.

Panties- You know its not approved when a) it leaves a bad taste on your tounge b) there is not context in which you will not regret saying it.

Cool- You're cool when you say it. Therefore, you shouldn't say it. Save yourself the misery

Bikini- Ew. All we think of is those liners that go inside when you try them on (shady, are they not)and the geniuses who wear them.

DECK APPROVED WORDS

Kitsch- As long as it is in the context of negative connotation. Par Example: That garden knome is Kitch. Let's make a gnome bonfire.

Midtown- As in "Watching your weight is midtown. Let me at those chocolate truffles."

Deck- Of course, this is the best of them all. Definition: Anything that is not mainstream or cool whatsoever. Examples include: sweaters (the itchy kind and this blog. We highly doubt anyone will ever read it.

Tina Fey's Swagtastic Daughter

Alice Fey, daughter of Tina Fey, has riduculous amounts of swag. To quote a member of the Deck crew, she "such a freakin G."

This fey chick ain't no joke. She's on the move. Alice swag > Willow Smith swag. And she has paint at the ends of her hair... that's saying something. Deck scoured the web and found the best photoshops of her:

You recieve Deck Approval Alice Fey. Keep it classy, you swaggin chick, you.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Deck's Movies

We at Deck could waste time, blog after blog, listing movies we like and don't like. We just decided to put them all in one post.

DECK APPROVED MOVIES

Grey Gardens

Just such a freakin good movie. Drew Berrymore conveys pinpoint emotion. A must-see. Deck Approval

The Gathering Storm

The book is long and makes you want to chug cinnamon, which absorbs the water in your throat and suffacates you to death. The movie is not so... and Winston Churchill is a drunken old guy. Win win. Deck Approval.

Chicago

Hot daaaaay-um. Some fucking good 1920's corruption never hurt anyone. You get the musical without all the cheese-whizz. Deck Approval.

King's Speech

"Fuckity, shit, shit, fuck and willy. Willy, shit and fuck and... tits."
need we say more? Definate Deck Approval.

DECK DENIAL
The Romantics

We're not much of actors here at deck, we're realists. But this movie was awful. If an alien saw this as an example of what the earth was like, we'd be screwed. It's basically about incest between friends: We get it, you're all drunk. Especially the people who wrote the script. Deck Denial.

Mean Girls 2

Who didn't hate this movie? You can't take the most quotable and profound movie of all time and make a sequel? That's like selling lemonade at first and then trying to sell urine: we're all going to notice it sucks. Don't watch this movie: "You'll get pregnant and die." Deck Denial.

Four Christmases

This movie was terrible. It had no moral or educational value, except make babies, and was a waste of our time. And the Deck Crew is not a fan of wasting time with Vince Vaughn's relationship issues/giant forehead. Or wasting time at all (unless accompanied by the soothing sounds of Kurt Cobain) Deck Denial.

Juicy Cou-Blah

Today, I declared it to be Ghetto Sunday, and twas was spent in a Marshalls- about as ghetto as you can get in Columbus, Ohio- Anyway, what there with my deck crew, we preyed upon the wracks like hyenas. And then, all at once, we came upon a velour track suit top, like the following:

A collective groan filled the air. Who still sells this stuff? It's complete stupidity and peer pressure that leads people to buy this amount of overpriced velvet. Their velour is the satan's safety blanket. Look at thier motto:

"Juicy Couture: For nice girls who like stuff"
It's ironic, because every person I've met wearing Juicy has been completely conceited. If you like stuff so much, go thrifting, get a gym membership, or even buy yourself a grapefruit and draw a face on it. Do yourself a favor and burn the hot pink diamond studded piece of idiocity in your closet.
Deck Denial. Bitches.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Cake Pops

Alternative populous, I am at odds with myself. I cannot help but feel love for the sweet confection known as a cake pop.

Sold at starbucks, It is unbecoming of the Deck to be in favor of something so mainstream, however I feel that its status is still underdog to that of the cake and the cupcake. But please: keep it vegan bitches.